spirals

I have a habit of holding onto things much longer than I should,

Afraid of what could fail or flee,

I’d cling to the company of familiarity and ironically,

Block the blessing of being misunderstood –

I called it love but I was reluctant to see how my insecurities blinded me to the reality of becoming someone I didn’t trust,

Someone who offered more excuses than permission to release 

the people, places, and things that no longer aligned with me,

Now, I’m spiraling into a season of my life that is teaching me how to let go of the way I thought things should be 

and it isn’t as scary as I thought it would be,

In fact, I feel free,

To fall and face the shadows of my own valley 

and peak at the pain that has called me by my name for the sake of healing wounds I’ve claimed around my identity –

I’ve been tainted by fear and 

Still holy,

Still guided by the whispers of wisdom weeping in my humanity –

Still growing 

And even when the journey gets lonely I keep going because I know 

I was meant for knowing how to take the intangible and make it so,

So I sow seeds of hope in the midst of uncertainty and despair with a certain persistence,

Because I was meant for care and righteous resistance.

And though I go through seasons when I contradict this,

I am not a contradiction.

I am every woman in the wake of their mistakes and loving corrections,

a reflection of the cycles we go through to find ourselves, redirected,

And it’s connected to one objective truth,

Nothing lasts forever,

But we’ll always have something new 

to look forward to.